


ELEPHANT - HARRY STYLES' STORY

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 20:45:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1199589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's an elephant in the room, and his name is Harry Styles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ELEPHANT - HARRY STYLES' STORY

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [ELEPHANT - HARRY STYLES' STORY](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/36411) by abigailwrites. 



> This does not belong to me. All credit goes to http://abigailwrites.tumblr.com :)

Today he was going to die. Not that he knew that fact as he opened his eyes, the fresh morning sunlight dilating his pupils. A nest of dark brown hair was the first image that greeted Harry Styles. His heart dropped. He’d done it again.

It was only seven o’clock. The sun had only just risen. But still with sleep in his eyes he slid out of bed. Warm feet met cold wood and he hissed at the contact. He tired to be as silent as possible. He’d done it again.

He was naked. He was ashamed. He’d done it again.

Cautiously he retrieved his underwear from the floor and slid each leg into them and pulled them up. The rest of his clothes lay scattered around the bed. He let out a disappointed sigh. He’d done it again.

His heart slammed in his chest as the body in the bed stirred. Bone’s clicked and limbs stretched. A mouth yawned. Eyes opened. They looked at Harry.

“You’re going already?”

“I did it again.”

-

Louis Tomlinson had a smile on his face. His boyfriend was going to be home soon. He’d spent one night without him, but that didn’t stop him from missing the boy. He was in love with him after all, and was ready to spend the rest of his life with him.

Liam Payne was fast asleep, lost in dreams as he cuddled up to his beautiful girlfriend. They were pleasant dreams too that made him sleep with a smile on his face.

Zayn Malik was snoring. He always did when he was having a good night’s sleep.  Mouth open, drooling a little. He didn’t care.

Niall Horan was sleeping off the alcohol. His head will hurt when he wakes up. But it would only remind him of the brilliant night he had last night. His head would hurt for the rest of his life. It would remind him of the soon to be dead boy.

None of them had a clue what Harry had done, or what he had been doing, or what he was going to do. None of them had a clue that they would never see him again. Everything was normal. Everything was okay. Everything was fine. Everything was perfect. Perfect and happy…they had just hours left of such a perfect world.

-

Harry looked tired. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He hated himself. He’d hated himself more and more. He was hurting the people that he loved and they didn’t even know. And Harry just didn’t know what to do.

A body stood behind him. They snaked their hands around his waist and placed their chin on his shoulder. “You need to stop doing this,” he said, looking at himself and the young pop star in the mirror in front of them.

“I know.”

“You need to stop coming here.”

“I know.”

“Because I love you. But so does Louis.”

“I know.”

“And he’s better for you.”

“But I love you too.”

“You can’t have us both.”

“I can’t decide.”

“You have to.”

“I have to go.”

“Be careful.”

“I will.”

Harry shrugged the man’s chin from his shoulder and grabbed his overnight bag. He didn’t say a word as he moved to the door.

“I love you, Harry Styles.”

Harry turned and looked into the man’s green eyes. It would be for the last time.

“I love you too, Nick Grimshaw.”

Those were the last ever words Harry Styles would speak. And he wished he regretted them. But he didn’t.

He walked out, the cold London air hitting him like sharp knives. He let out a shuddering breath. With darting eyes he looked to the left and right. No one around. No paparazzi. No fans. No neighbours. No one would know he had been here.

No one except the poor people next door who had to hear the sound of two famous males in passionate embraces until the early hours of the morning.

Harry flushed red. Angry, embarrassed, ashamed and horny. He moved to his car and unlocked the door.  His overnight bag was chucked in the back, and he squirmed uncomfortably in the leather seat.

He sniffed and wiped his red nose. Even though Nick’s door was closed, Harry could see the DJ peeking through the living room window. Harry looked away sharply.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it. The screen lit up and greeted Harry with his background.  A picture that was taken three months before. Harry and Louis all dazed and sleepy, hair ruffled with cute smiles as they snuggled together on their soft bed. He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach, and instead concentrated on the unread text in his inbox.

He opened it to see it was from Louis, sent at 11:09pm last night. It read, “Goodnight my sweet angel. I hope you had fun with uncle Grimmy! Haha. Don’t forget to text me in the morning. I love you so much. Never forget that. I’m yours forever. Your boo bear. ;) XXXX”

Harry almost threw up in his mouth. This couldn’t carry on. He couldn’t continue hurting the people that he loved. They didn’t deserve this.

With shaking hands he replied. “I’m on my way back. I love you too, Lou. So much. Remember that, yeah? XXX”

He started the car and pulled away. In ten minutes he would be dead.

“That was Temper Trap with ‘Sweet Disposition’! Now it’s time to play Grimmy’s record of the week! No surprise its One D’s new single then, eh? Here it is on Radio 1…”

He turned the radio off.

The roads were dead. So were the streets.

 Harry could have avoided the car with the drunk driver if he really wanted too.

He didn’t really want to.

A split second decision.

Eyes squeezing shut.

A whisper of, “I’m sorry.”

He was gone.

-

It’s hard to watch your friends fall to pieces. It’s even harder when you can’t do anything about it. But the worst thing for him was that he knew he had caused this.

He could feel their pain. Every tear shed. It embodied him. Surrounded him. Suffocated him. The pain said, “Look what you’ve done!”

Harry wasn’t a bad boy. He just did bad things. And the baddest thing he ever did? Running away. Escaping from his problems.

Harry Styles was a coward. Is a coward. Watching as they scream his name. As Zayn threw up. And Niall fell to the floor. And Liam accused them of lying. As Louis walked away, confused and vulnerable.

He broke a million hearts. But none more than Louis’. The boy didn’t have a clue.

This was only the beginning. There was so much more pain to come. Harry thought being dead would stop all this. He thought going away wouldn’t hurt so much. That running away from his problems was the best idea. What he didn’t realise was that he would witness the aftermath.

Now he didn’t have to deal with the problem. Love didn’t exist where he was. In fact there was nothing. Just pain. He was all seeing and all knowing but could put nothing into action. He was nothing, but yet he was everything. He was everywhere. In the air they breathed and in the tears that fell. In the coffee Louis’ sipped and the bleach Niall inhaled. In the drugs Liam craved and the bile Zayn threw up. Everything was Harry Styles, and it all hurt.

He could watch the pain but nothing could be done. Harry regretted this. Watching as his world fell apart. Watching as the four boys who made his life crumbled in front of him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t right. Harry was dead. The books and the TV shows said he’d go away. Live in the afterlife, away from his problems.

Was this it?

Was he set to watch and not be heard forever?

This couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let it.

He forced himself upon them. But not a sound was made. Not even a leaf fluttered in the wind. Liam didn’t stir and Niall carried on scrubbing. Zayn stroked Emily’s hair and Louis chatted away to the one that wasn’t there.

Harry wished he was there.

He wished this was all a bad dream. That what he was seeing was a horrific nightmare and he would wake up and be alive. Be an actual being. He would run fingers through his hair and feel the blood pump through his veins and breathe in the oxygen and not feel the pain of everything he had caused.

It wasn’t a dream.

Nothing could be done.

Nothing.

They wouldn’t listen. They couldn’t because Harry couldn’t make a sound.

Months went by and the pain never ceased. It burned him like hot flames. Sharp and constant. Pain was all he knew now. It was what he had caused. It was what he was.

Harry Styles was pain. It is what he had caused. It is what he was. His name stabbed at hearts, his photos shed tears. It was all he felt.

It had to get better. Not for him. But for them. For everyone around him. For those four boys. For his mother and his sister and his fans and all of those in between. Because their pain was what he felt. And it increased every day.

He was so selfish. He realised that now. Dying wasn’t the best thing to do. Killing himself wouldn’t stop the pain. Running away was pointless because he’d ended up hurting the people that meant the most.  More than he could ever imagine. Suicide was never the answer. But this was a mistake Harry could never undo.

He could never apologise. Never touch Louis’ cheek and whisper he was sorry. He couldn’t run a finger down Zayn’s spine and tell him to eat again. He could never punch Liam in the face and tell him to get a grip. He could never grab Niall’s hands and show him how red they were. He couldn’t do anything.

All he could do was try.

Against all the pain he felt he tried.

He struggled at first. The pain constantly overtaking him. Dominating him. Telling him to sit back down and be a good boy and watch his loved ones cry every day.

He’d had enough.

A sudden realisation.

An epiphany.

He was gone from the real world. They couldn’t see him, they couldn’t hear him. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t feel him. He lived on in their hearts. He was still there in spirit.

As long as they believed he would always be there. So long as they felt that pain and that love for him he would always exist.

He tried again. He fought the pain. It hurt. More than anything he had ever felt. But deep down there was a spark. It was so tiny, but there was no mistaking it.

Hope.

Every day he pushed harder. Fighting the pain. He would never let it win again. This wasn’t the life they deserved. They deserved to be happy and Harry Styles would make them happy if it was the last thing he did.

And slowly it worked.

At first each boy caved.

Louis found out Harry was dead and the one he knew was just what his mind had made up. It took a long while for Louis to accept realisation. He sat on his hospital bed and talked to the stars, knowing somehow Harry could hear. He felt lonely, but perhaps that was a good thing.

Emily died and sent Zayn in a downward spiral. But everything gets worse before it gets better and he ended up in hospital. Family surrounding him. He felt hungry.

Niall drank bleach. He just wanted to feel clean and get rid of the scum. But he realised you only see the scum if you forget about the good people. He remembered the good people and he felt pure.

The music hit Liam. It embodied him and sent him crashing. For a while he craved for the bad things, but he knew it wasn’t right. A lot of perfect things had gone from his life but that didn’t mean some things weren’t still there. And for once he felt a smile.

They were getting better.

And with each passing moment Harry felt the pain seep away. It was so gentle and so minimal but Harry knew things were looking up. He had felt the pain for so long he had almost forgetting what happiness felt like.

He now felt stronger than ever and he knew the boys could feel him. Even if they didn’t know it themselves. He had helped them. He had made them better. They would never be okay again but Harry had made sure they would never suffer. He made sure he would never have to watch them in silence. He made sure they would be perfect.

They visited his grave. Each one separately. And each time he went with them. He made the wind dance around their heads and he made gentle whispers in their ear. He did it every time.

Every time for five years.

-

“I can’t believe you’re still gone, mate.” A dark skinned boy said. He was alone, with no one else around. He assumed Harry’s family had already visited the grave. After all it was 5 o’clock in the evening.

“I miss you every day,” he carried on. Smiling as he knew the curly haired boy could hear. From behind he heard soft footsteps.

“Fancy seeing you here, Zayn,” an Irish accent spoke.

Zayn grinned and spun around. Their eyes met. They hadn’t seen each other in five years, but yet it seemed like only yesterday as they fell into a hug, holding each other tight.

“You alright then?” Zayn asked after they’d finally let go.

Niall shrugged, running a hand through his neatly trimmed blonde locks. “I guess so. You?”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Seems weird, don’t it? Looking down and knowing he’s under there.” Niall spoke, blue eyes fixated on the mound of dirt in front of them.

“Yeah, mate. Horrible really. You just kinda wanna dig him up and give him one last hug,” they both laughed at the horrific statement, but both knew it was true.

They remained in silence for a couple of minutes, standing so close their arms touched. Through the gentle breeze Zayn heard more footsteps.

The brown haired boy’s face crumbled at the sight of his two friends. “Zayn,” he choked as he was engulfed in a hug. Moments later Niall hand joined, the three of them squeezing each other tight.

“Liam, you look amazing,” Niall said, brushing away a single tear that had fallen.

“Cheers, Niall,” Liam smiled, genuinely happy to see the two after so many years. “Should have known you two would be here really. Five years today and all that.”

Zayn smiled and looked back to the ground, “Yeah. It’s mental. I still miss the little sod even now.”

All three boys laughed although tears were beginning to form.

“Just one person missing,” Liam noticed. “God I wish he was here. Then we’d all be together again.”

And not a moment later he did appear.

“Oh my God,” he whispered, blue eyes wide. And before any of the boys had a second to process who it was Louis had tackled them all in a hug.

And that’s when they sobbed. Each boy shedding tears, soaking each other’s shirts. It didn’t seem like five years had passed. Now they were teenagers again, sat in the hospital as they hear the news of their dead friend.

They hugged for minutes. No one dared let go. They were a mass of limbs as they held onto on another.

But finally it had to stop.

“Oh God, Lou. How have you been?” Liam asked, noticing the boy looked a right sight better than he did the last time he saw him.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been good. Still pretty fucked up. But I’m getting better.”

“How’s your…how’s your head?” Niall asked delicately. The last time he remembered Louis still believed Harry was alive, even after being discharged from hospital.

“Mental,” Louis admitted, although he didn’t look entirely sad. “I can’t control it. Most days I know he’s gone. But once in a while I’ll wake up and he’s next to me. And he talks to me. Not even like he’s a ghost. But that’s he really there. And then a couple of days later, he’s gone and it’s like I remember all over again.”

“But you’re…getting better?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I really am,” Louis said with a smile. “What about you. How’s your…eating thing?”

“It’s good. Not so much of a struggle any more. Still not a big fan of junk food or anything, but yeah. I’m good. Niall, Liam, what about you guys?”

“I’m still pretty neat. But…not like I was. I’m happy. I really am.” All the boys smiled at Niall’s news.

“Same with me. I’ve been clean ever since my…my…downfall,” Liam explained.

They all fell silent, each one thinking back to that time. How much pain they felt.

“Does it still hurt you?” Liam asked after a while. No one replied for a moment before Louis bravely spoke, “Every day.”

The sun was beginning to set with stars dotting the sky.

“Seems strange doesn’t it?” Niall said, looking up from Harry’s grave. “That we all came at the same time. Almost like someone wanted us to meet.”

“It is strange,” Louis agreed. “But, to me it just felt right. Like, something was telling me to come today. To get that certain train and get here this certain time.”

“I felt the same,” Zayn said.

“Me too,” Liam admitted.

Louis suddenly laughed, “It’s almost like Harry himself planned it!” They all giggled a little but fell silent when the wind picked up. It rustled the tree leaves and made the flowers dance. They could almost hear his giggle.

“It’s like his still alive, don’t you think?” Louis said. “I mean not in the way I see him sometimes. I mean like, I can feel him. You reckon he’s still around somewhere?”

“Yeah, Lou. I really feel that too,” Niall smiled.

Their perfect moment was broken when another person arrived. An older man. Recognisable to them all.

“Nick?” Louis asked bewildered. The DJ smiled at them all, green eyes still in pain.

“Alright, lads. Sorry, I didn’t know you’d all be here. Just thought I’d come for a bit, y’know. Five years and all that.”

“It’s cool, mate. He was your friend too,” Niall said, stepping to the side so Nick could join the small circle around Harry’s grave.

The silence was a little awkward if truth be told. But there was a reason Harry had told Nick to be there too. To settle things. To hopefully stop the pain.

Nick’s eyes glistened with tears. “I loved him, you know?”

Louis looked up. “Yeah, me too. We all did.”

Nick gave a heartbreaking sigh, eyes closed. “No I mean…I really loved him. I shouldn’t have but he…he let me love him.”

“Nick?” Louis questioned, still not completely getting what he said.

“He loved you, Louis,” Nick whispered painfully. “He really did. But he loved me too. Like we loved him. It’s hurt all this time, knowing that you never knew. I’m just so sorry, Louis. I’m sorry.”

Nick turned and walked away, never looking any of the boys in the eye. But he was stopped by a gentle voice.

“Nick?” Nick turned. He saw those painful blue eyes. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Telling me the truth. It will never stop me loving him. And I don’t expect you to stop loving him either. But…” he took a deep breath. “But he’s gone now. What happened…that’s in the past. We can’t change it. All we can do is carry on loving him for the way he was. The way we remember him.”

Nick smiled, although his eyes cried. “I just wanted to stop the pain.”

“I don’t think anyone can do that. But, I’m okay. We’re all okay. Just be happy, Nick. Be happy for him.”

“Only if you can be happy?” and Nick didn’t just look at Louis when he said that.

“We’ll always be happy. We’re perfect.” Louis replied.

They shared a smile.

And the others smiled too.

And the wind danced again.

And it whispered, “I love you.”

And it reached them all and they heard.

They all looked up to the stars.

And one winked.

And they all laughed.

“You’re okay now, aren’t you Haz?” Louis grinned up at the sky.

And the little star winked again as if to say, “I’m perfect.”


End file.
